T.I.C. transitions

Jew on the Waves of Fate

a new chapter

Picture turning that page, it ended a quarter of the way down and the back is blank.  Why?  This is because you are starting a whole new chapter, perhaps a whole new “part” (you know those books that are split into multiple parts and then chapters).  I am thinking about how to creatively graft this metaphor onto my situation.  Let me take a different approach: how would I have begun this “chapter” of my life had I been writing it as a part of a book.  Perhaps the last chapter would have ended with the hectic and stressful last minute packing and preparation before passing out on my parents’ couch for my last night in Colorado.

Thus Far Untitled Autobiographical Literary Attempt
By Ronin
Part 4 Chapter 1
(or whatever number it would be)

We began driving.  Well my sister began driving and as she found various ways to express her excitement, relief, anxiety, and all the other emotions that were bursting from her I strained to decipher my feelings.  This was it right?  This was when I was supposed to express my thoughts on this major transition.  Up to this point I could say I was focused almost entirely on the preparations and therefore did not have time to think about superficial sentiments.  Aw sweet rational, blank faced solace.  But now that I was supposed to be flooded with all of those feelings that I had pushed aside yet I was still struggling to sort the internal disorder.

I have not been one to cry for quite some time and I felt damn near guilty for that as I hugged my parents.  I must admit that one pang I felt in my gut came from watching my mother wave to me and knowing that I would not see her for quite some time…odd, thank you Freud.  I know of course that I will miss all three of the parents [Note: three parents?  Refer to the end of Part 2 of this book] for varying reasons but leaving ‘mommy’ turned out to twist something inside and I would be lying if I said I was not surprised by this.

We were on the highway anticipating what we knew would be the dullest and therefore the most straining part of the drive…Kansas.  Kansas and its endless fields of corn and sunflowers where looking in the rearview mirror is no different than looking ahead, that is if there was any space to see out of the rearview mirror.  Farewell Colorful Colorado, you emblem of an independent century.  I will miss your stunning sights, your schizophrenic weather, and your purple pretentious politics.

As I make my transition to the Big Apple, a feat I will attempt to do without damaging these damned braces, I hope I will not go down in flames in a city that greatly overshadows the entire state that encompasses it.  There are a few stops along the way and perhaps I will be able to sort out the chaos in my head by the time I get to Manhattan.   Nah, probably not.

Financial WHOA!

I will admit that this is a headline driven post. I have been financially woeful lately since having to confront a host of very foreboding financial transitions however I might not have blogged about them yet, much, or ever had I not thought of such a witty, perhaps punny title to this post (I say as I humbly bow my head).

With higher education comes higher debt. Prior to my graduate school acceptance I was paying off two credit cards and one hospital bill. This was my debt and while I had let those credit cards get a little out of hand at times (damn ebay) everything was still manageable. All I had to do was stick with my secure, relatively well paying full time job and eventually that debt would be lessened and I wouldn’t have too many bald patches from pulling at my hair.

But why follow that route when I can quit the stable job, move to the most expensive city in the US, attend a private university, and have no steady income in sight come August? Call me a dreamer, call me hopeful, call me crazy…just don’t call my cell phone. Minutes are expensive.

Isn’t there some person or computer out there that can weigh my current situation against my future plans and give me some formula for how smart or idiotic I am? Actually it is probably better that I don’t know.

I know that there are many people out there surviving mainly off of loans and once they can support themselves they are barely surviving by working to pay off their loans. Isn’t this the American way…or at least one of the options you can pick in the “Choose Your Own Adventure” book of American lifestyles? By the way I am working on this post in my cardiologist’s office where I am waiting to be told everything is fine, “your heart looks great” and then pay $400.
I would like to find a job in NYC but as of now I have no idea what my coursework and fieldwork hours will be like. But if there are any employers in Manhattan with flexible scheduling I have experience teaching, editing, filling cream puffs, stocking movies, selling clothes, sitting in a courtroom, restraining agitated youth, low-profile counseling, going to happy hour with ADAs and probation officers and I make a delicious yet sloppy pumpkin pie. Not to mention I can read Hebrew, know a smattering of Japanese and have extensive knowledge of old time radio shows. COME AND GET IT!

I currently work a shift that ends at 11:45pm. I am lucky if I am out of bed before noon and I am moving to “the city that never sleeps” to probably take 8am classes. And I’m worried about money? I’ll be lucky to make it down the stairs in one piece each morning.

Seriously though, I am excited for this big change or at least that is what I’m told. When I express my financial fears I am told that it will all work out. Now if I could just get a signed and notarized copy of that statement to provide to the banks that would be awesome.


A tradition in our family is to “surprise” the birthday person by slathering butter, or the non-dairy equivalent as the case may be on their nose.  I took a Folklore class during undergrad where I learned that this tradition is meant to encourage the birthday individual to move smoothly into their new year.  Variations on the butter include peanut butter and…get this, grease.  Moving or perhaps sliding smoothly into your next year and in my case my 26th year (turning 25, finishing the 25th year, ah numbers).  Remember transitions?  My sister put a hefty and surprisingly well shaped square cut of butter on my nose.  As I struggled to keep it from sliding off while the camera was being fumbled about I thought about the transition I was going through and how smooth I could expect it to be.  Life has not felt smooth especially with the impending tooth removal, echocardiogram (long story), trying to secure a place to live in NYC and so on.

Recently (yesterday) a heated discussion appeared on my sister’s facebook wall regarding Israeli/Palestinian issues.  I found that I did not like the idea of attempting to have a civilized and intelligent discussion/argument over a facebook wall.  It became obnoxious and I found myself almost falling prey to it.  Discussions over the internet are very impersonal and it makes it easy to forget that you are actually partaking in discourse with other individuals.  My point is people seem to feel they can say nearly anything, there are less consequences or at least it feels that way.

In my opinion becoming overly defensive, using inflammatory language and becoming too emotional over a topic detracts from any progress or enlightenment the exchange might bring about.  Unfortunately this is what happens most often.  It is difficult to see why anyone should put any effort into being open-minded and considerate if it falls on deaf ears…or more accurately blind eyes.  It makes an already exhausting situation even more draining with little gain.  I wish that encouraging decorum and disagreeing in a constructive manner would have any effect on people but more often than not people ignore it or claim that their overreaction is only a necessary response to someone else’s overreaction.  It is frustrating.

.transitions.  Attempting to make them smooth sometimes makes it more rough but the attempt is what is important….right?


Have you ever seen the movie “Toothless?”  It was a Disney Channel Original Movie, the fancy description for Disney Channel’s TV movies.  This is before “High School Musical,” Hilary Duff, Miley Cyrus and so on.  It starred Kristie Alley as a dentist who is lacking in the social and love life.  She almost dies and becomes a/the tooth fairy.  Where is my point, you ask?  The movie says that once a kid loses the last of their baby teeth they lose their innocence, so when she returns to her life and removes the last baby tooth of the young boy who helped heal her heart he all of a sudden has no memory of his interactions with her as the tooth-fairy.

Again you are asking where my point may be?

I turn 25 on June 2 and on June 15 my last two baby teeth will be removed.  Yes, I still have two baby teeth and finally, thanks to the help of a full time job’s dental benefits I have begun fixing the issue.  What does this major dental transition coincide with?  I will begin graduate school at Columbia in New York this fall.  I have worked for Boulder County for nearly three years and lived here for nearly eleven.  Time to move on, try something new, take a bigger risk than I ever have and all this will take place as I lose the last of my baby teeth.  People are proud of me, excited for me, a little sad.  Me?  I am scared and uncomfortable and anxious and all I can think about are the two holes that will be left in my mouth after June 15.  Is there more to this tooth issue then I have explained?  Yes.  Will the holes be there forever?  No.

.transitions.  There are so many things I love about change but it is a powerful force that still evokes anxiety in me.  I want to make sure that as I move forward in my life I continue writing and blogging has been suggested by a few people now.  Many people do it, I can barely bring myself to read any of them, so why not give it a shot myself.  For the few technological strengths I have, posting on the internet (with the possible exception of Facebook) is not one of them.  Readers, if I have or will have readers, please bare with me as I attempt this.

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